Lio Messi is killing it. Guest Post by Bongo 424

Sup sup?!? – followers of this blog may have noticed the diligent follower and all around nice guy, bongo424, bringing the lolz in the comment sections since the dawn of blog-time.

Interestingly, I actually caught up with Bongo on a wholly unexpected but highly enjoyable trip to the Big Merino this weekend past. Bongo incessantly puffed pharmaceutical grade ventolin as he opined liberally on a number of topics, but it was clear that his truest love was reservced for Barcelona footballer, Lionel Messi – a man we both agree is killing it.

As such, I invited Bongo to drop some knowledge on the subject… I will be responding in king shortly, with my take on why Cristiano Ronaldo, is killing it, but in the meantime – over to you Bongo424.

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Oh hi James. It’s Bongo424 here, and I’m really grateful you’ve let me write on your blog to talk about who I think is killing it. (Which is the Barcelona and Argentina star, Lionel Messi. And oh boy, is he absolutely braining it or what?! I’m going to really enjoy writing about him. He is a marvel!) But before I tee off (I plan to drive 400yds down the old thought-fairway on this theme James, LONG, STRAIGHT and THROUGH THE BALL), can I just say that you are really killing it James? Would you let me say that? I’ve been a long time reader and occasional commenter on this blog and wow! I mean, it is coming up on Killing-it-Ville at pace! My mate Terry – you know Terry, for sure? – well he knows lots of people on the internet and he says they are really starting to notice this blog. The wind’s picking up on the WorldWide. And I’m not the only one smelling ya man.

 

 

But my theme! I should probably get back to my theme. Hey James, what was that theme? Oh yes. Something or other along the lines of something like this: Lionel Messi And Why I Do Believe He Is Killing it, Particularly Vis-a-Vis That Other Goal-Scoring Latin Winger, Cristiano Ronaldo. What a wonderful opportunity to write about this theme I have here. What a wonderful opportunity for Bongo424. It is such a wonderful opportunity, and I am determined as all holy hell to make the most of it. I just wonder where to start…

 

Maybe lets start with this article from the grand ol’ girl of Iranian media, the Tehran Times.

I’m not completely completely au fait as to its sporting biases, but I don’t think the TT holds any strong Jones for the little Argentinian. So I think we’re safe in taking this article as FACT, not Catalan propaganda, and thus the first plank of ply in the building of my little house of argument. Lionel Messi. The best player in the world. His name’s Lionel. And he dedicates all his goals to his grandma.Now from what I understand, Lionel Messi has parents and he’s perfectly happy with them. So its not as if he was solely raised by his grandma and she’s all he knew of family. He’s got plenty of family. He got family coming out of his little dancin’ feet. He just likes to single out his grandma (RIP) whenever he scores a goal. Pretty nice? I think that’s pretty nice. He’s a pretty nice guy.

 

Which is why I hope things turn out well with his GF, and wife-to-be, Antonella. Here you can read about Antonella’s “simple and fresh look”.

 

 

And in Antonella, Lionel’s also found someone shorter than himself, which for a man who’s about 4ft3 underground is no small achievement. And she’s “humble” and she’s “quiet,” just like Lionel. You don’t hear a peep from Lionel. Really, once you think about it, there’s not gonna be much sound coming from the Lionel and Antonella house. Not unless their kids buck the family instinct for quietude. So they’d be excellent neighbours. And that might not be your first criteria for killing it, but with the population rising and our cities becoming that much more dense, maybe it should be. You can’t have a planet full of Latin footballers thumping Sash or Buena Vista Social Club at all hours. Lionel Messi: loves his dearly departed grannie and, when he settles down with his missus, an excellent neighbour. The man is killing it.

  

And I haven’t even talked about his hair yet. Tap “Lionel Messi Hair” into the interweb and the Google people take you to this website cataloguing baby photos of footballers.

 

 

And what you learn from these pics is that Lionel Messi’s hair has become more babyish, more my-mother-makes-me-wear-it-like-this-cos-she-regrets-the-fact-that-I’m-no-longer-her-little-boy, as he’s got older. Three-year old Lionel, he’s got the typical salad bowl over the cranium cut we all had at the age. Nothing wrong with that. Holy Communion Lionel, why, he’s practically a Mod, short on top and ears exposed to view. But sporting phenomenon Lionel? Man in the media Lionel? He’s a Sunday school dweeb. Maybe his grandma wanted him to keep it like that. Maybe Antonella likes the humility of the mid-length. But he’s the best footballer in the world and he insists on looking got like Mark Holden. Where I come from, that means killing it.

Boy I gotta thank you for this opportunity man. It has been a blast! Boy this has been fun! And I can’t wait to hear more from ya man. Tell me I’m wrong, tell me C-Ron is the business. And then I’ll hit ya back with more Leo. How ‘bout that?Bongo424, one internet handle who really loves a guest spot.

Oprah is killing it

This is almost dumb to write, because she kills it so hard. I physically feel more stupid, for writing the bleatingly obvious words, Oprah is Killing it, because it’s wholly possible that in the Southside of Chicago c. 1950, Oprah Winfrey may actually have invented Killing It.

"I'm running shit mother fuckeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers"

Oprah kills it ridonkulously hard on a daily basis. She basically just rocks up on TV and makes grown ppl lose their minds in either joy or sorrow, tells ppl which books to read and chills with celebrities – so casual. She’s not married, so you know she’s getting mad play internationally, because she’s rich as god, and she can do whatever she likes. She made an Hermes store in Paris open for her at like 11 at night, because she wanted to buy a scarf. That’s how Oprah do.

And now, she’s in Australia and she’s crushing it. Rolling around with 300 Americans getting her wildlife on, getting her tourist on, running shit – front page of the papers, national news TV etc – just for showing up.

Let’s take a quick look at Oprah killing it:

Watch Oprah send an audience out of their minds for 3 straight minutes.

Here’s Oprah getting the president elected – that’s whats up

And just cos I love the man, here’s an audience going nuts for Tom Cruise

LeBron James is NOT Killing It

Around the middle of this year, I was very excited. There were a few reasons for this. I was killing it personally, professionally and metaphysically, for starters. But there was something more. I was excited by the prospect of basketball prodigy, LeBron James, leaving his Cleveland team in free agency and landing with my beloved New York Knickerbockers – the greatest franchise in professional sports.

You see, LeBron had all of the tools to kill it. Oh yes. He had the 6’9, 130kg frame. He had the speed of a gazelle, the skill of a mason and the court vision of a thousand hubble telescopes, pointed at the stars. But something happened. Amid all the hype of his free agency, LeBron neglected to shoot for immortality of the NY market, or even the loyalty of staying with his hometown Cleveland side.

He instead, acted like a bitch, a witch and a snitch, and joined the Miami Heat – hiding behind the considerable talents of two of his friends and opting for warmer climates, latin womens and Will Smith songs.

I was sitting at work when this happened. I slammed my hands on the keyboard and howled at the cubicle next to me. I spilt my cup of Earl Grey team onto my chest, and tore open my business shirt. I cried and I spat, and I incised a bunch of tiny cuts onto my arms to try and dull the mental anguish of the best player in basketball not only spurning my team and the team of his birth city, but spurning the once in a generation chance to become the best player of all time; something which would now surely not happen thanks to the cop out South Beach.

This however was a mild response – compared with the people of Cleveland. His #23 jersey was burned in the streets, effigies were defiled, and youtube viral videos were created in response to his Nike ads. All in all, Cleveland killed it on the killing it count, and LeBron killed it in the declining cult of personality count.

But how the gods smile on those of us who kill it. The Miami Heat experiment is burning out before it’s beginning and LeBron is crying like a tiny, 63 year old looking baby and trying to get his coach fired.

And the best part? With a sub-standard 10-9 record, the Miami Heat are now taking their satanic roadshow to Quicken Loans arena – the home of LeBron’s former team the Cavaliers.

What do the home fans have in store for us? The much maligned fans of the cursed franchise will be out in force to jeer at the jumping Judas and batter basketball’s Benedict Arnold with verbal and physical abuse.

It’s going to be great

Ukranian Parcours Dog is вбити його

That’s killing it in Ukranian for all you non-Ukranians reading this shit.

This one speaks for itself, and was shot to me by my boy Ennis Toupein.

It’s a dog, in the Ukraine doing parcours. It’s pretty much the most powerful animal alive.

Back to killing it

Hey guys – what’s up? You know what happenned? I was killing it too hard IRL, and on Twitter, so I didn’t have the chance to kill it on the wordpress.

Your loss right? I know, it sucks, but here’s the silver lining… I get to post a whole bunch of ish that has been killing it the last few months and you can binge of the amazing delights – omnomnom. Plus, I have a renewed comittment to killing it… something which can’t be overstated.

Killing it catch-up #1 – Val Kilmer being fat, creepy and absolutely nothing like Batman

Killing it catch up #2 – Blake ‘Muffugn’ Griffin dunking a basketball multiple times very hard

Killing it catch up #3 – Nicholas Cage losing his shit for 4 consecutive minutes (HT: @antontrees)

NCAA Men’s Basketball has come down with a severe case of KILLING IT

OMFG American sports are the best.  As much as I love the Australian codes, there is something about the pomp and circumstance of American spectacle which makes their sports assume another level of hype and excitement.  American men killing it, announcers killing it, cheerleaders, fans, ballers, soldiers – all killing it.

Ohio State's, Evan Turner - is a bad, bad man.

The pinnacle of this, is college sports – a system geared completely toward Cindarella stories, upsets and parochial Southerners going nuts about schools that are based near them, but they could never afford to go to. There is however a special level of killing reserved for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament (AKA March Madness) – a 64 team knockout which pits the best and rest against each other with the quest to become the national champion.

The best thing about this is that it’s a knockout. Whether you’ve won every game of the year or only just enough, one loss and you go home. You could have 5 bonafide NBA superstars, but out there, you could be out against slouchy white guys who get hot from three point range and that’s it, you’re going home.

This year’s NCAA Men’s has seen some of the biggest boilovers in recent history – where guys without big time careers ahead of them beat the big boys thanks to fluke, indifference or otherwise. Whatever it is, it’s amazingly amazing – none more so than number one seeded Kansas, 44.1% of American’s tip to win the entire 64 team tournament, losing to Northern Iowa… a nobody in the context of US basketball. Here is the game winner – the child of an Iranian Immigrant drains a three to clinch the win with 20 seconds left.

Joseph Biden is Killing It

I like politics – it’s one of my favourite things. The reason why I like it principally is because it’s the smartest dudes raining burns on people like it’s going out of fashion.

This is why I love Joseph Robinette Biden – a man who loves burns, and a man who loves killing it more than any other Vice President since Gerald Ford.

In this video, Joe-Ro, as I call him shoots from the hip/podium and delivers crushing witticisms for 13minutes. Go on, go get your lunch, your little “sandwich” or “meal” and get a can of “soft drink”, plug in the head phones and watch the veep crush all opponents with his silver fox wit.

District 9 is keelinneeeeet

Sometimes you watch a movie that you’re rooting for it to kill it, but it doesn’t – it’s one of the worst things that can happen to a man.

There you are, all ready to flip out because you love a particular actor or director or premise, and it’s just total balls – like anything starring Rob-D or Al-PAC in the last 20 years.

South African Nerds Interrogating Aliens - OMFG YEH

Luckily, I had no such issue when I taxed a Blu-ray from blu-ray’s equivalent of Prop Joe, Ennis Toupein on Saturday night – District 9 is killing it so hard we should almost lock it up.

It’s a scientific impossibilty to be bad when you’re a movie about aliens set in a South African slum. The opressed aliens and mockumentary style are so well integrated that you genuinely suspend disbelief in the first 30 seconds and let the film take you for a ride all the way down to killing it junction – population me.

But most importantly, reluctant hero Wickas van der werde is one of the best characters in recent history – a nerdy south-african pencil pusher with an alien arm – WHAT WHAT?!,!?

9/10 killing its